She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
