It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
