So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
