I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
