I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
