i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
