Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
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