I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
