I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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