So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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