My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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