Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
