I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
