Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
