I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
