so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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