oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
