wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sext me about skeletons
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
