I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
