I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
