Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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