i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
