I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
