I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
