yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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