woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
