Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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