I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
