i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
