She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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