New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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