my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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