Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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