I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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