as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
