We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
