I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
