I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
