Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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