wat bout pragnant strippers??
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
