Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
