dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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