we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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