Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
