The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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