just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
