there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
