and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
