I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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