My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
one two three fourrrrnication!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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