it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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