She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
