Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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