Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
