There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
