well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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