Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
