doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
