i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
