It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
