So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
