She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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