He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
