yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
