But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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