He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
