Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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