Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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