my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
